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Our Story

Amara and Kadir were born on 4-28-16. Kadir, who was PROM (premature rupture of membranes) at 21 weeks, was the reason why I was admitted to SB hospital antepartum unit. His water leaked, and they presumed it was due an infection. I didn’t believe it, my motherly instincts told me that was not it. I was told I could deliver within the next 1-2 weeks and if that happen then both babies would not be viable for this life outside the womb. I will not write my real respond to that statement to the wonderful NICU staff that talked to me that day, but the clean version was something like – “these babies and I are not going down without a fight” was sort of the response (clean version, pregnancy hormones, #mamabear).

We were scared, we worried about what the outcome was going to be. Were we going to lose our children even before birth? What did I do or not do to cause this? Was there a way I would have been able to reverse this?

To keep the anxiety down & keep myself strong, I talked to my babies every day, letting them know that we were a team. That we would last as long as God willed it and we would get to viability. Each day passed, and it was a blessing. Each week passed, and it was a miracle. So, my motto on my hospital wall was Each day is a blessing, each week is a miracle.

It was even harder because my 18-month-old son Amir was home with my mom and without me. He stopped talking to me and when he visited me at the hospital, he refused to come to me unless prompted. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know how to fix it. To this day I feel the mommy guilt, that I failed him to save his siblings, that I lost his trust because he felt like I abandoned him.